An Ode to Pretty Little Liars

by nowmaddiesays

In honor of the spring finale of Pretty Little Liars (“NOOOO!! THE BACHELOR AND PLL BOTH END WITHIN A WEEK OF EACHOTHER??  HOW WILL I GO ONNNNN?!”), I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to one of the most gripping shows on television.  Pretty Little Liars has taught me more than all of my schooling (kindergarten-college and school of life/hard knocks), and gosh darn it, deserves a frickin’ Emmy.

An ode to you, Pretty Little Liars, for you have taught me what it means to be brave.  I used to think bravery had something to do with courage, but now see it has to do more with stupidity.  Why on earth waste precious time getting help when you could be risking your life?  Also, in order to be brave, you must remember to go to every dangerous situation by yourself or with only a few other helpless girls.  And make sure it’s dark, or it doesn’t count!

An ode to you, Pretty Little Liars, for showing me how important fashion is.  Every girl now knows, thanks to you, that the best offense AND defense is a killer wardrobe with nail polish to match your outfit.  The reason Mona hates Allison and all her friends is obvi because they dressed better than she did.  And Mona will never be able to take down the PLL crew in that black hoodie when they’re traipsing around in five inch heels they wore to school that day!  Yes, the show really does drive home the fact that fashion trumps all–just look at Red Coat!  No one’s been able to pull off a coat like that since Little Red Riding Hood herself, and because of her exquisite taste she’s the one calling the shots.

An ode to you, Pretty Little Liars, for showing me that true love is not a mutual respect and longing for another, but rather an illicit relationship between student and teacher.  When no one understands your love of Hemingway, don’t give up–just date a teacher with a pretentious name.  And if you’re worried about statutory rape, fret not, because people are more concerned with teacher-student relations and not that you’re 16 years old (because getting grades because your pretty is so unfair).

An ode to you, Pretty Little Liars, for showing me that the world really does care about swimming.  Large masses of fans rush the pool deck to cheer on their favorite swimmers, complete with fan signs and costumes.  Why did this never happen at the swim meets I attended?  Was it because I wasn’t wearing a cloth swim cap and a grandma-style swim suit?  Or was it because people only care about high school swim meets, and not the national level ones I attended (though to be fair, we did not have a large crowd at those swim meets either).  Obviously my experience with swim meets is the exception that makes the rule, because clearly swimming is the biggest sport with the most dedicated fans.  Thanks for making me believe again, PLL.

Last night, we said goodbye (until June 11th) to a great show, and I think we should all take some time to dedicate a moment of silence to the PLL coma we must wait out.